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Sunday, 20 December 2009

Sharks, stingrays, flesh-eating piranhas, here we come!

Woohoo! Christmas holidays have arrived! I'm so glad. My family and I are spending some of the Christmas holidays at the Sunshine Coast, with beaches!! I feel like I haven't been to the beach in ages...You know, with the sharks and stingrays and flesh-eating piranhas and the gritty sand in your eyes and all those other awful stuff that makes holidays so wonderful!

I've been writing in this blog since February, almost a year...and this is my 115 blog post! Still, lots of them are probably all those book reviews that I publish when I have nothing else to put in my entry, speaking of which, I also get a break from them during the Christmas break.

In other small-time news:

  • I brought a dark-light red Canon camera. Should be perfect for all those beachy photos... (Hope I don't find any more of these (meaning the giant bloated fish and tiny rainbow seahorse from last holidays...)
  • I'm rockin it in Singstar, High School Musical...Beating anyone who verses me! Nothing can stand in my way now...Today, High School Musical Singstar, tommorow the World!

Merry Christmas- see you in 2010!

Friday, 18 December 2009

Hating Alison Ashley

Hating Alison Ashley
Robin Klein

‘Hating Alison Ashley’ is a fantastic book by Robin Klein. It starts with Erica Yurken, a sixth grader who knows she is predestined to be an actress. She feels superior to the rest of her school and dreams to herself all the time about being on stage with the lights, the glittering dress, the fancy shoes; Erica knows it’s hers for the taking.
Then, one day, Alison Ashley shows up.
Alison Ashley is beautiful, smart, rich, well-mannered, and in every single way, perfect. With a bossy older sister, a hermit brother, and a little sister that acts like a horse and takes up most of the shared bedroom, Erica doesn’t need any more trouble. So she decides she has to get back at Alison for showing her up all the time, and school camp seems the perfect place for doing just that.
A hilarious, Australian story that will capture the attention of readers aged nine to sixteen.-
This brilliantly-written book is entertaining from the first sentence to the last and is perfect to curl up with and read from beginning to end.
Some other books by Robin Klein are…

· All in the blue unclouded weather
· Dresses of red and gold
· Laurie loved me best
· The sky in silver lace

I would rate this book five stars out of five.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

There Were Butiful Waterfalls

And so the diary saga continues...

Dear Diary,

Today we played with the Blackmans it was fun for w hile we played with our other frieds and then they left so we played with the Blackmans again we went to mary ann dam and played for a while and all sots for games. The End. Jordan.

Dear Diary,

Today a lot happened. Well to start whith today we did a day trip first, We went for a walk to this place where you could swin and there were butiful water falls and fish in there. Only a short swim so that we could have lunch then we went to this roukc hole to swim agine there were small fish there i lost my goggles there u couldent find them. but when we came back we went for a hotter swim. That all, Jordan.

Dear Diary,

today we are moveing on the trip we kept stoping we are going to this cool place it called Berry Springs theres a water slid there so you can swim and thers paddleboats it going to be fun i miss my frends and tesse a loy there is green trees on the side of the rodd mum said that at Berry Springs there "will be green grass" so that will be cool to run around in i havent seen green grass for so long.

Monday, 14 December 2009

We Saw Some Camils

Here's another entry from my diary of going around Australia in 2004-2005.

dear diary
we are still haeding (heading) up for darin (darwin) where we meet frend we saw some camils thear ugly but it was still fun looking at them we fond (found) some bottlls heups (bottle caps) about 108 We met a boy we didn't know his name but he said to us Goodbye.

I still have no idea what all that means. Maybe you guys can figure it out... This next one even has puncuation!

dear dairy
we went fossil hunting. We found some fossil it was fun. after that we went to this mushroom (??) , it was big we found some fossils when we were there. The next day we came here its caled Ellery Creek Big Hole it hasa nice creek. it has dingoes its scary because they howl. ps the mushroom was just made out of rock (phew) it was at rainbow vally. the End.

Dear Diary.
Me and the grils (girls) played barbies and Jenna gave me a cool barbie. it was fun. tomorrowe are going in to town itis fun in town. we went for a walk down in the Gorge it was fun for Lunch was bacon and eggs on some breade. Dad was working all day I felt sorry for hi,. there is not much to say today but some some, i have told most of it. The fire is nice and warm, so thats about all.
bye. Jordan.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009


From April '04 to May '05 our family travelled around Australia. Mum and Dad made us write a diary while we travelled. I hated doing it then, but I do like looking back on what I wrote. At least, whatever of it I can comprehend. There is absolutely NO punctuation whatsoever and very little spelling that is correct. I will do my best, however, to translate.

Sunday 4/4/04

We had a fire and I rode my bike and I went swimming and played with my friends. Our friends got here, lots of fires, my chain on my bike came off, I did my bible study, my feet got muddy. We are at Charlie Morland.

That was my first entry. You have to cut me some slack on this one. I was seven! The next one is practically incomprehensible. Something about dress-ups and lots of prickles (prikls) and a bird doing it's business on my shoulder. Anyway, I will continue to translate- or try...


Saturday, 5 December 2009

The Exiles at Home

Book Reviews
The Exiles at Home
Hilary McKay

“You’ve bought an illegal boy in Africa?” asked Naomi, amazed. “You can’t buy people! And anyhow, you never have any money, none of us do! What are you going to do about it?”
The school term is just beginning for the four Conroy girls, and from the beginning, things start happening.
Is it just chance that Ruth Conroy happens to go to the library and fills out a form saying that she wants to sponsor a child in Africa for ten pounds a month?
However, after sending away all of her Christmas money, Ruth becomes in desperate need of money. So she lets her older sister Naomi in on the secret, and then her two younger sisters, Rachel and Phoebe. With all of them trying to get money, their grandmother and mother begin to get suspicious at their urgent requirements, and unless they can get the money in time, their secret won’t be a secret for very long.
This book will interest ages 8-15.
I enjoyed reading ‘The Exiles at Home’ because you immediately want to read more of the story as it is humorous and compelling.
Some other books by this author are:
· The Exiles
· The Exiles in Love
· Indigo’s Star
· Saffy’s Angel
· Permanent Rose
I would rate this book 3 stars out of 5 for it’s excellent and interesting storyline.

Friday, 4 December 2009

Last night was 'Messy Games' at Youth Group. By the end of the night I had flour in hair, on my back and front, on my face, and if I scratched my head I got flour under my nails....

Friday, 27 November 2009


It's been so stinking hot here lately, I'm surprised I don't jump in the pool with my clothes on or run through the sprinklers (I only hold back on account of my straightened hair).
I decided (rather stupidly) to go for a walk. Not the smartest thing to do when it's 33.3 C outside. (And that isn't that bad considering the low 40's we've been having)
Anyway, I was sweating and frying myself to a crisp out there when I see Dad and Emily driving back from their visit to the shops. They slowed down and started driving at a snail's pace to keep up with me. So I started running, almost as fast as my energy tank would allow. And I beat them home. Now I am sweating, worse than before. Quite Frazzled.
Sigh, it's all I can do to stop myself jumping into the pool fully clothed.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009


There are only three species of wombat, and that is the coarse-haired wombat, the southern-hairy-nosed wombat, and the northern-hairy-nosed wombat.
Wombats spend most of their time in a tunnel excavating. Sometimes its tunnel can be more that 60 feet long.
Although wombats are generally slow, they can run very fast if frightened, especially if they’re running from their apex predator, the dingo.
Dingoes will even chase wombats into their tunnels, but they do not win all the time. This is mostly because wombat’s backsides are broad and solid and can not be bitten easily. Wombats have been known to press dingoes against the walls of their tunnels to suffocate them. You wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of a fat wombat.


Saturday, 21 November 2009

The Devil's Own

Book Review
The Devil's Own
Deborah Lisson

‘She adjusted the focus on the binoculars and squinted through them in astonishment, and disbelief. There was something there- or, more exactly, someone. Peering out of the bushes of that supposedly uninhabited island was, quite unmistakably, a human face.’
Fifteen-year-old Julianna Dykstra is fed up and defiant while spending time with her family on her father’s yacht visiting the Abrolhos Islands. But after an old fisherman tells her the story of the Batavia, and she sees a mysterious, ghostly face on a nearby island, Julie decides to investigate, and it is her own investigating that plunges her into a three hundred-year-old nightmare of massacre and rebellion.
The Devil’s Own is a fantastic read, full of action, drama, and tragedy. What makes it even better, is the fact that it is all based on a true story, the story of the Batavia, a ship wrecked on an island in 1629.
The Devil’s Own is a story of mutiny, murder, and excitement and will be enjoyed by ages 11 to adult.
Some other books by Deborah Lisson are:

  • A Place of Safety
  • Truth Seeker
  • The Yankee Whaler

    'The story is cleverly conceived and well written; the past is alive and clear, as is the beauty of the setting.Thoroughly recommended to all who enjoy a good story.' Dept. of Education, W.A.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Monday - Friday

Monday- Babysat two gorgeous girls and taught them how to use floaties. Sweated. Swam. Did school.

Tuesday- Nutrition class. Learnt to make savoury cheese muffins. Sweated. Swam. Did school.

Wenedsday- Made demented-looking chocolate chip cookies. Tasted all right though. Sweated. Swam. Did school.

Thursday- Went to Maccas to celebrate Kat's finishing of exams (Woohoo!) It was sooo good. Sweated. Swam. Did school.

Friday- Danced while listening to Single Ladies and was unable to sleep that night owing to it playing and replaying around and around in head. Sweated. Swam. Did School.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Help! I'm a Prisoner in the Library

Help! I’m a Prisoner in the Library
By Eth Clifford

“How do you spell library?” Jo-Beth was busy with her sign.
“I can’t talk to you and talk on the phone at the same time. Just spell it! And leave me alone! Hello, operator? I want the fire department.”
Jo-Beth, meanwhile, was finishing her sign. It looked fine to her. In big letters, she had printed:
Mary Rose blamed her father for forgetting to get petrol when he needed it. She also blamed Jo-Beth for suddenly needing the toilet just when he had left to go get some from the nearest garage. The library was the closest building nearby so they went inside just as the librarian was closing up for the night. Trapped inside, the two girls are left to themselves doing anything they can to escape, but calling the police doesn’t work, and Jo-Beth’s sign isn’t likely to work either.
This humorous story is for ages 7-9.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet
by Guy Wetmore Carryl

Little Miss Muffet discovered a tuffet,
(Which never occurred to the rest of us)
And, as ’twas a June day, and just about noonday,
She wanted to eat -- like the best of us:
Her diet was whey, and I hasten to say
It is wholesome and people grow fat on it.
The spot being lonely, the lady not only
Discovered the tuffet, but sat on it.

A rivulet gabbled beside her and babbled,
As rivulets always are thought to do,
And dragon flies sported around and cavorted,
As poets say dragon flies ought to do;
When, glancing aside for a moment, she spied
A horrible sight that brought fear to her,
A hideous spider was sitting beside her,
And most unavoidably near to her!

Albeit unsightly, this creature politely
Said, "Madam, I earnestly vow to you,
I’m penitent that I did not bring my hat. I
Should otherwise certainly bow to you."
Though anxious to please, he was so ill at ease
That he lost all sense of propriety,
And grew so inept that he clumsily stept
In her plate -- which is barred in Society.

This curious error completed her terror;
She shuddered, and growing much paler, not
Only left tuffet, but dealt him a buffet
Which doubled him up in a sailor knot.
It should be explained that at this he was pained;
He cried, "I have vexed you, no doubt of it!
Your fist’s like a truncheon." "You’re still in my luncheon,"
Was all that she answered. "Get out of it!"

And THE MORAL is this: Be it madam or miss
To whom you have something to say,
You are only absurd when you get in the curd
But you’re rude when you get in the whey!

Monday, 9 November 2009

10 Things

  1. Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
  2. Bubblegum is banned in Singapore.
  3. Alexander Graham Bell never called his mother.
  4. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
  5. The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
  6. Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions weretraced to a microwave in the building.
  7. Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu is the name of a New Zealand hill.
  8. An average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
  9. If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
  10. According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009


Today we made a day trip of going to the Wellington Caves. It's only a 40 minute trip down to Wellington, but it was a little longer that with Jenna driving. Somehow I cannot feel very comfortable with her driving. I think the police felt the same way when they followed us suspiciously for about 5 minutes.
We had some time before going to the caves so we happily munched chip sandwiches while waiting. That's when we met Frankfurt. I actually dubbed him Franklin but Emily and Jenna refused to call him that and renamed him.
There was also a very, large bird avery to look at while we were waiting. The white cockatoos inside seemed enormous. We called one George and one Alfred. George seemed to have the nicest personality out of the two. Chirping joyfully, saying 'hello cocky!', 'bye bye!' and even giving Jenna a happy hi-five.
George's hi-five
Alfred seemed to have a meaner spirit. He took some of the bread I was offering to George, and called out 'cracker!' when he saw me.
The caves were really nice inside. They were filled with stalactites and stalagmites and it was good to have a wander around.
Inside the caves
The only 'down' of the caves was the bat poop on the ceiling. I did feel a few wet sploches on my arm while in there. For now I can only hope it was an in-cave plumbing problem...

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Beast Quest

Book Review
Beast Quest
Adam Blade

A mysterious sorcerer has enchanted the magical beasts that protect the land of Avantia. They are now destroying the land and the king is desperate for a hero who can stop them.
Tom only lives on a farm, but with his horse, Storm, his partner, Elenna, and her wolf, Silver, he may just be able to defeat the dark wizard, Malvel and free the beasts of Avantia from the evil curse that has haunted them for so long.
An exciting story to be enjoyed by children aged 8-11.
The Beast Quest series includes:

  • Ferno the Fire Dragon
  • Sepron the Sea Serpent
  • Arcta the Mountain Giant
  • Nanook the Snow Monster
  • Epos the Flame Bird


Friday, 30 October 2009

Disaster Chef

Last night was Master Chef at Youth Group. We were each given a cake and told to decorate it. Master Chef? More like Disaster Chef...

This was my team's cake: UFO Fairyland

And the others ones: Mac's Parody

Mort's Island


Thursday, 29 October 2009

From the Skunk's Point of View

One thing that really annoys me about humans is that they go hypo if they even catch sight of us.
By ‘us’ I mean skunks. I really don’t see what they panic about. Yes, we’ll spray them if they threaten us, but if we didn't, they’d probably shoot us. We do warn them though by stamping our foot and hissing. But do they listen? Nope. They just find themselves sitting in tomato soup. Our names should warn them enough. Mine is Odour. I have two sisters, Foul and Stink, and three brother, Smell, Awful, and Rabies. Of course Rabies doesn’t really have rabies. See, it’s impossible to tell if an animal has rabies unless you kill them and study their brains. There are signs though. Wild animals may become friendly and approach human or they may become unusually aggressive. A rabid dog’s bark might sound different than normal or it move strangely in a slow, stiff walk. Sometimes they’ll become paralysed in the face and have a weird expression or a drooping jaw. A pet might gnaw on it’s own leg or attack objects, even unmoving ones. Most of all, they slobber. It’s quite strange. Racoons get it more than us though.
That’s why Mother tells me to stay away from racoons. I do have one racoon friend though. His name is Mischief and it suits him just fine. He’s forever stealing things from the humans while his bandit eyes glower impishly. He even goes through the cat door and eat all the dry foods. I can see why people call them bandits. We skunks, of course, are perfectly well behaved...mostly.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

The Bathroom Book or Toilet Tales

This week, Kaity put an excercise book in our bathroom. 'It's just to write stuff in while you're doing your business,' she explained. So far it's already been filled in a couple of pages of movie lines, question, and plain messages.

Then, yesterday, somebody put a large smear of vegemite across the page. I mean, who has that kind of sick mind?
Anyway, come to the Haase Household and sign the toilet book, you know, sort of like a guestbook :)

Monday, 26 October 2009

Not Again!

If I had a status on facebook (which I don't) right now, it would be:
Jordan Haase: Almost got bitten by a duck! Again! A couple of centimetres away from my ankle this time! It's freaking me out!!

Sunday, 25 October 2009


This weekend Mum, Dad, Emily, Jenna, and I went to the Warrenbungles NSW for a church camp. It was really spectacular for landscape.

I even climbed to the top of a mountain for better view. A very, very steep mountain.

Marshmallows, tents, lying around in a hammock while listening to was a pretty peaceful weekend with no evil, angry ducks or ghost trains to bother me.


Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Duck Malevolence & Ghost Trains

Duck Malevolence

I've just come back from a bicycle ride around the park. But not just any bicycle ride...This bicycle ride included a life and death situation. It went like this...
I was just riding around, merry and content, thinking life couldn't get any better...when it did. A sweet little duckling was waddling around near the edge of the duckpond, quacking blissfully. I did what girls normally do when they see something cute. Gave a sigh of adoration and jumped off my bike to have a closer look.
But Mum's never far away. In fact, she was very, very close.
She gave a livid quack and gnashed her beak together. Then she bent over, stretched out her neck, and flapped towards me in a surprisingly fast manner.
I wasn't expecting that. I squeaked in horror and took a few steps back in panic. She just kept running towards me.
Scream you idiot! I told myself, Scream and run towards it!
I felt such a silly girl, being so terrified of a duck, but the sight of that duck was enough to scare a demon. I gave a half-hearted snarl and took a few steps towards it, my girly side protesting enormously.
The duck stopped, looked my over, and gave me a warning quack before leaving to swim around with it's duckling.
I'm so ashamed. I'm such a girl.

Ghost Trains

Last night Tesse and I slept in our camper van. I felt a little uneasy about it, just because the caravan is a little creepy and creaky...
I was lying...wide midnight when I heard an awful sound.
Imaginations can go a little wild at night...
Manic, mad cow?
Or....howling, shrieking, on-a-loose- GHOST TRAIN!
Or...or...manic, mad cow driving a howling, shrieking, on-a-loose GHOST TRAIN?? (Sorry, I have to do that in capitals or it loses it's terrifying emphasis)
Anyway, in the end, I decided that it was a phantom, spectre train being run by a barmy, hyper, possessed cow (called Rufus) with mad cow disease...Simple when you think about it.


Monday, 19 October 2009

They Had Mothers, Too!

Samson's Mum: Your Father and I warned you about that woman. Now, look at you. Not only is your strength gone, but those curls! Those beautiful curls!

Noah's Mum: I'm not saying your ark isn't nice, Noah. I'm just saying it's a little big for you wood-shop project, don't you think?

Jonah's Mum: I don't care where you've been for three days, Jonah! You still should have called! And wipe your feet! You're dripping water everywhere!

Friday, 16 October 2009

White Fang

White Fang
Jack London

“His mother is Kiche,-half dog, half wolf. His father must have been a wolf. He is only one-fourth dog, but he is mine. And because his fangs are white, I will call him White Fang.”
White Fang was only a pup when he started his great escapades. Being raised in the wild, captured and owned by Indians, sold to and mistreated by man, a sled dog, a hunter, and a fighter, White Fang’s adventures never get dull in this fantastic old classic by Jack London aimed for readers 9+.
Some books also written by this author are
* The Sea Wolf
* Jerry of the Islands
* The Call of the Wild

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Two Diary Entries

From the Desk of Solomon

Dear Journal,

It is not yet dawn but I must write. I just had the most amazing dream and I am not quite sure what to say.
I am at Gibeon and just then I woke up from what I think was a vision. I’m sure the Lord spoke to me, no mistake.
He simply to said to me, ‘Ask for whatever you want me to give to you.’
I was amazed. Not only was God speaking to me, but he asked me what I wanted. Many things ran through my mind. Gold, riches, a long prosperous life, everything and anything people value. I suddenly wished I had the wisdom to decide and the thought came to me. Wisdom! Wisdom to rule my country in the way the Lord wants me to.
I asked the Lord in what I hoped was a respectful tone for wisdom to rule his people. He seemed pleased with me. Then he told me that he was pleased with my answer, and since I had not asked for other things that a greedy man would ask for, he said he would give me riches and honour as well. He also said that if I obeyed him he would give me a long life as well. A four in one deal!
I must think on these things. I will write later.

From the Desk of Solomon

Dear Journal,

It has been a moon since I had my dream. I wished to write sooner but I was busy sending up offerings to the Lord for his gift. I wish to record the day’s events. Two prostitutes came to me today, they asked for my wisdom. Both women came up to me and one told me a story.
‘My lord, this woman and I live in the same house. I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born; this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.’
She stopped to take breath then continued. ‘During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I, your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn't the son I had borne.’
The other women gasped. ‘This is not true,’ she insisted. ‘The dead one is yours and the living one mine! My lord, believe me!’
‘This isn’t true,’ the other women narrowed her eyes. ‘That baby is mine. You must believe me,’ she said turning to me.
‘You are a liar,’ hissed the first women.
I watched them argue before me and slowly a thought came into my head.
‘’You must not argue,’ I commanded. ‘Bring me a sword!’
My weapon-handler came to me holding the sword and handed it to me. ‘Cut the child in two,’ I said. ‘Each of you can have one half and the problem is solved.’
The second women’s eyes widened and she gaped at me. ‘No.’ she cried. ‘Give it to her; do not cut it in half!’
The first women sneered at her. ‘No, the King has decided. It is a wise decision. Cut it in half.’
‘No!’ I said ‘Don’t cut it in half. Give it to the first women. It is her baby and she is its mother.’
That is what happened. The woman gratefully took her baby back and the other woman went away in a huff. Now Israel is in awe of me, but they must know! It is not me, but God!’

Jordan. R Haase
May 14, 2009

Monday, 12 October 2009

Creating Exhaustion

My creative energy tank is down to low after three hours of work in the kitchen...The decorating part was quite fun though...

A Friend's:

And in the end all I've created, apart from a cake, is total exhaustion...

Saturday, 10 October 2009

7 Reasons Not to Mess With Children

7 reasons not to mess with children...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked,'What if Jonah went to hell?’ The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what thedrawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'


Evil Intentions

I haven't had a lot to say lately so I've been watching carefully for a good blog idea. Instead, I decided to use 4 little ones.
Here are 4 things you weren't expecting to happen.

  1. After shooting the basketball at the net for a while I decided to sit down for a quick rest. I threw the ball at the wall expecting to see it bounce off and roll away. Instead it bounced right back at me and hit me clean on the nose. I suspect that basketball of evil intentions.
  2. I woke up suddenly in bed last night at 12:00 to see something falling down onto my face. It felt cold and clammy and I had to wriggle around too get it off. It turned out to be my Prince Caspian poster that had fallen from my wall. I suspect that Prince Caspian poster of evil intentions.
  3. I was giving the football a kick out on the road. I believe that football was deliberately vexing me in it's own little irritable way. I would bounce it and it would dart off to the right. I would run after it, but you know these footballs with their weird shapes...just as I was about to reach it, it would dart off to the left and it continued for ages. It was mocking me! I suspect that football of evil intentions.
  4. I was once again sent this awful, horrid forward 'Monk's Secret.' I hope it all makes you annoyed too... A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travele d the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284, 232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald...........silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, this is the key to the last door. The man is relieved no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and> behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. .. . .

....But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Ahhhh! Does this annoy no one else? I suspect the person who sent this forward to me of evil intentions...


Thursday, 8 October 2009

Prince on a White Horse

Book Review
Prince on a White Horse
Tanith Lee

“Oh, this is awful!” shouted the Prince to the horse. “I’m even more confused than before. All I’ve got is this stupid Egg-and-and-”- the Prince went pale again – “this feeling that I’ve got to get on your back, and ride over those mountains towards- something I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy. When I think I thought this might all be a holiday!”
The Prince is not at all sure where he is, who he is, and what he’s supposed to be doing. All he knows is that he is in a strange land where strange creatures, such as Bezzles, Buzzles, and Beezles roam around and horses talk (however much they deny it.)
I really enjoyed reading this fantastic tale for readers aged 11+ because it is an enjoyable read and a good laugh.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Teen Ranch - The Goblin's Point of View

Over the weekend I went to the Cornerstone Kids Camp that was held this year in Sydney at Teen Ranch. As I am in Year 7 I was a junior leader. Finally, on top, after being for 12 years at the bottom of the food chain.
Teen Ranch has heaps of activities. There was archery, horse riding, canoeing, the giant swing, ropes course, rock climbing and a couple of other stuff as well.
As I am so terribly modest I won't go on and on about how wonderful I was at everything. Simply because I wasn't. I was...average. Three of my shots did get pretty close to the bullseye in archery, but all the other shots went off to explore new places.
Horseriding was great, although at first I thought that my horse must have gotten the name Blade because a blade of grass could move faster than he could. He ended up getting a move on though.
The scariest thing that I did there was probably the giant swing. There was a harness that was pulled up on an angle until it was a little more than eight metres high. Then you would pull on a rope (like signing your own death notice) and fall backwards then forwards ect. Sort of like a giant swing...(More like the giant drop!)
The second most scariest thing I did (#1 mentioned previously) was the high ropes course. Only the adults were actually supposed to do this but the junior leaders wormed their way in. The high ropes course was even higher than the giant swing. You were harnessed up and clipped onto cables, but the scary thing was that no one was holding you up. It was all you. And there were times when you had to undo your clip-thingy to clip it onto the next obstacle and then nothing was holding onto you..........................I'm a very brave person......

The theme of this year's kids camp was 'The Princess and the Goblin' by George MacDonald. As junior leader I got the massive privilege of dressing up as a goblin (along with my other goblin friends) so that I could scare the kids as they came along the path for their bush walk.It was pitch dark. I believe they scared me more than I scared them. That night (and also the next day) I also had the great opportunity of:

  1. Stepping in mud (At least, I hope it was mud) in my nice new-for-me converse.
  2. Getting thrown (Fully clothed) into the pool (Twice!) by my not-so-nice, treacherous goblin friends.
  3. Laughing as I watched those not junior leaders getting chased by this! (Payback for chasing me so I that stepped in err...mud.)

Despite all this I really did have a good time...

Oh yes, and I can't forget to talk about the bus trip to and fro. I don't think I've ever actually travelled in a bus going to a camp before, and I gotta tell you, it was really great...Apart from having to sit next to those two large Albanian woman, with crucially severe body odour. And that little kid at the back of me kept throwing up the whole time. And the serving lady ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts.... Oh yeah, and three of the bus engines burned out, and we went through a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the bus exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died....

Well, actually, that's not very true...The only thing that happened was that the kids sang happy camper songs very loudly (and very off key) the whole way sending me half deaf and half crazy. As always though, I kept my calm and on the outside, looked a very happy camper. But on the inside...


Tuesday, 22 September 2009

The Sky is Yellow

Exactly what the title says...we're going through a yellow-skyed dust storm...
Doh! Gonna have to wash the clothes again...

Monday, 21 September 2009

The Sign of the Beaver

Book Review
The Sign of the Beaver
Elizabeth George Speare

Matt and his father have finally finished building their new cabin and now Matt’s father must go back to fetch his Mother and sister. Matt must stay home and take care of the cabin while his father is gone and he will come across many dangers including meeting up with a bandit, being attacked by a bear and being chased by a cluster of angry bees.
Then he meets the Indians. At first it’s just Matt trying to teach the sullen Attean to read and write, but soon Matt and Attean have formed a true friendship, but can it last?
Soon Matt will have to make a huge decision about staying true to his friend, or his family.
I enjoyed this fantastic Newberry Honor book because it keeps you enthralled throughout the whole book, waiting for what will happen next. An exciting story for ages 10+.

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Who is Your Neighbor?

Yesterday, I made a discovery that I will never forget. We live next door to a witch.
I was outside on the lawn when I heard the most evil laughter. I couldn't see anything from where I was but in my head I could picture her, bending over her boiling cauldron cackling hideously, a dangerous glint in her eyes as she stirred her evil potion.
Am I crazy?

Friday, 18 September 2009

Midnight Mayhem

I hate maths, but so we can be sure to understand what happened at the Youth Group sleepover last weekend, we'd better do a bit of adding.

  • Singstar game + Abba + Girls with colds = Awful singing. I'm quite surprised that the neighbors didn't complain, and that the police didn't call...:)...again..
  • Face cream + a few slices of cucumber = Somewhat familiar aliens with large, seedy-looking eyes.

  • Ice cream + Mn M's (assorted colours and flavours :)) + Chocolate syrup + Whipped cream = Desert.

  • Dinner + Singstar + Charades + 3 Movies = No sleep till 4:00, and I still wasn't tired!


Monday, 14 September 2009

When I Was a Girl...

I'm sure every family has funny or embarrassing moments and with not a whole lot to write about lately I thought I would write some of my families, mild as they are...I can't write anything too embarrassing.

  • Kylie: Tom and Kaity wondered how she was able to breathe so long under water. Kylie told them the secret. Going under and taking a huge sniff through your nose. They tried it...

  • Kaity: Letting out the washup water from the night before. Picking up what she thought was a spoon. It was, actually, a dead mouse.

  • Tom: Asking 4 year old Jenna if he had a hole in his pants and when innocent Jenna bends down to look gets a faceful of some...unfresh-smelling air.

  • Jenna: Getting tricked by her parents in a prank call...

  • Emily: Thinking that a chauffeur was actually pronounced 'Chuffer.'

  • (I don't really want to do me, but if I didn't, it just wouldn't be fair. ) Jordan: Wondering who that guy, Anon, was. He's sure written a lot of things.' (Yikes, that wasn't even very long ago!)


Friday, 11 September 2009


This is just a poem I wrote for a narration in school yesterday. It's about Hezekiah in 2 Kings 20.

Hezekiah was very ill,
He’d never felt so low,
So when Isaiah said ‘you’re going to die.’
It was an awful blow.

Isaiah looked pityingly at him,
In his saddened state,
He said ‘I have to go now Hez’,’
And off he went, sedate.

Hezekiah wept with grief,
His eyes full of dismay,
Then a thought occurred to him,
And he began to pray.

‘I’ve always served you well oh God,
I say this with hopeful breath,
Can you possibly spare me, my Lord,
From this awful death?’

Isaiah, the prophet of the Amighty one,
Was feeling his very worst,
When God came to him with a new message,
Quite different from the first.

‘Go back in the direction you came from,
Give him this message, Isaiah,
“You shall be healed, because you serve me,”
And that one’s not so dire.’

Isaiah rushed back to the king’s bedside,
He said, his heart lifted high,
‘God’s message is “You shall be healed,”
Hezekiah, you’re not going to die!’

Hezekiah sobbed again,
This time with joy revealed,
Isaiah put a poultice of figs on his boil,
And before very long he was healed.

God in Heaven had heard the prayer,
He’d seen the tearful face,
It had moved his heart to see such pain,
And God, he has much grace.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

The Golden Goblet

The Golden Goblet
Eloise Jarvis McGraw

I love historical novels and that have mystery and adventure in them. This exciting tale has both.
Ranofer is virtually a slave for his half-brother, Gebu. He hates and distrusts him and wants to get away from him as soon as possible. When he finds the golden goblet in Gebu’s room, he knows that Gebu must have stolen it from one of the crypts in the City of the Dead. To finally get away from his hated half-brother he must prove that Gebu is guilty yet protect himself from the danger that lurks behind every corner.
This fantastic Newberry Honor book is for ages 10 and up.
“An exceptionally vivid, swiftpaced, and stirring” story recreating the glories and evils of Ancient Egypt- Horn Book

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Free Haircut

One of the first things I have done since I moved here was have my haircut. A little strange but a great opportunity. I got it for free.

Washed, combed, brushed, styled, cut, layered, straightened...all for free...

It was because they needed models for up at the Tafe...Emily got one too + a free face massage yesterday...

If they need anyone else my hand is up!

Saturday, 29 August 2009

He Couldn't Dodge 'Em

Yesterday was the Condobolin show. It was good fun really, apart from that time I went on the Dodgem Cars. I've always loved them so I quickly took up the opportunity to go on one.
Emily went with me, riding passenger. Probably not a good idea when I'm driving.
But it wasn't my fault when we lost control of the wheel and went careering around with no control.
It wasn't my fault when other passengers were mortally injured because of our out-of-control car.
And it wasn't my fault when I banged into one of those guys in the yellow shirts who were trying to help the drivers.
He fell over, into one of the empty cars. I drove on. To this day, I still do not know if he made it. Perhaps I should sue for uncontrollable Dodgem Cars.

But that is not all, no that is not all. Here are 6 things you will most likely encounter at a show, whether you like it or not.

  1. A ride called 'The Zipper.' Warning: Do not go on this with an empty stomach. In fact, do not go on this at all. Emily lost $2, I lost my stomach.
  2. A man selling cool spray-on tattoos. Lasts for 10-14 days. Emily got a rose. I didn't get anything although she suggested I get the one saying 'I'm with stupid.' I still don't understand what she meant by that...
  3. Fairy floss. This just had to be one of the 6. After all, what would a show be without fairy floss? Be careful though, this evil sugar can be the cause of an awful Fairy Floss hangover. Ask Emily and Jenna if you don't believe me.
  4. While we're still in the food section: Dagwood Dogs. Those little sausage thingies covered in batter. Yuk.
  5. Untrustworthy show people. What am I to think when given a ticket saying 'You enter this at your own risk.' Um, how about...Ahhhh! Give me back my money!
  6. Scottish men in skirts. Nothing else to say about this. It was undeniable.

These things should all be avoided if you are trying to avoid bringing up your lunch, horrible headaches, or any other physical or mental damage. #6 could do all 3.


Monday, 24 August 2009

It Just Keeps Coming

Here is another Bible Narration, see if you can guess which passage it's from:

Joshua yawned as he stretched out on the large, straw, mattress.
His brother, Daniel, sat on the other side of the room. He warmed his hands near the fireplace.
‘It is good to relax after a days work, eh, Josh?’ Daniel said as he rubbed his hands together vigorously.
‘There is nothing more true,’ Josh replied sleepily. He buried his face into the mattress and was about to drop off to sleep when the door to their house was slammed open.
He sat up quickly to look at his mother. She was panting heavily and his eyes were red as if she had been weeping.
‘Mother?’ Daniel rushed over to his mother, anxiousness written all over his face. ‘Whatever is wrong?’
Joshua’s mother sat weakly next to the fireplace before looking up at her sons.
‘The creditor,’ she croaked.
‘What about him? Quick mother, tell me everything!’ Joshua hurried to sit by his mother.
‘Now that your father is dead,’ she took a breath. ‘The creditor needs our money. But we don’t have a thing in the house! No more than a little oil!’
Her breath became ragged and raspy again.
‘Calm down,’ Daniel ordered her as he smoothed her hair down and patted her on the shoulder.
‘A-a-a-and now he wants you two as s-s-s-s-s-slaves f-for him,’ she burst into tears and buried her face in her hands.
Joshua stared at his brother apprehensively.
‘We must ask the man of God,’ Daniel decided. ‘Our father revered the Lord. Surely he will help us.’
His mother immediately stopped weeping. Her face brightened and wiped away her tears. ‘Daniel. I believe you are right. I will leave right away.’

And before Joshua could say ‘Methuselah’ she was out of the house.
It was not long before their mother was back. Her face was happier then it had been for a long time.
‘What did he say?’ Daniel asked eagerly.
‘Yes, what?’ Joshua said, just as keen.
‘He asked me this,’ their mother said confidently. ‘How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house? I told him we have only a little oil. Then he said ‘Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.’
‘We, must do as he says,’ Daniel said, enthusiastic to follow the plan.
For the next hour Joshua and Daniel went to all the neighbors’ houses.
When they came, their mother’s face was shining. She had the oil on the bench and beckoned them to come and help.
They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to Joshua, "Bring me another one." But he replied, "There is not a jar left." Then the oil stopped flowing.
‘I must tell the man of God,’ she said.
Joshua went back to his mattress and soon fell asleep. He did not wake up, even when she came home to tell him that she had sold the oil and paid the creditor.


Wednesday, 19 August 2009

The Key to Rondo

Book Review
The Key to Rondo
Emily Rodda

The music slowed, and stopped. Leo wound the box again. One, two, three. As the music began, he heard his mother moving around in the spare room next door, and sighed. He wanted to forget that Mimi Langlander, his least favourite second cousin, was coming to stay.
Leo Zifkak is known for being responsible. His cousin, Mimi, is known for being bratty and irresponsible.
So when they’re both pulled into the magical world of Rondo inside a music box, Leo knows who is to blame. Mimi refuses to leave until she finds her lost dog, Mutt, and Leo refuses to leave without Mimi.
With them both wandering around Rondo they’re sure to run into adventure.
Readers of ages 10-14 will enjoy this exciting adventure by the best-selling author Deltora Quest.
Other books by Emily Rodda:

Finders Keeper
The Time Keeper
Deltora Quest Series
Rowan of Rin Series

Monday, 17 August 2009

George III

I've been reading in a book lately about King George III. He's famous for his 'periods of insanity'.
I thought these facts about him were pretty weird.

  • Ended every sentence he spoke with the word 'peacock.' (Tried to open in parliment with 'My Lord's and peacocks.')
  • Believed that London was flooded and ordered a yacht.
  • Wore a pillowcase around his head.
  • 'Adopted' the new-born Prince Octavius. Nothing weird about this, except Prince Octavius was a pillow.
  • Told the queen that she had been mad for 30 years.
  • Believed that he himself was dead and wore black as a sign of mourning for 'that good man, George III.'


Tuesday, 11 August 2009

The Worst Kids in the World

The Worst Kids in the World
Barbara Robinson

They were just so all-round awful you could hardly believe they were real:
Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie, and Gladys- six skinny, stringy-haired kids all alike except from being different sizes and having different black-and-blue places where they had clonked each other.
The Herdman kids are the worst kids in the world. Lying, stealing, smoking, and swearing are only some of the awful things that the Herdmans do.
So it’s incredibly surprising when the ‘terrors of the town’ take over the annual Christmas play, which results in the worst, or is it the best, Christmas pageant ever.
For ages eight to thirteen.
If you enjoy this humorous story, you may also enjoy the sequel-
‘The Best School Year Ever.’

Monday, 10 August 2009

Who Let the Dogs Out?

This is a short-story/narration that I wrote after reading 2 Kings, chapter 9 (Verses 30 to 37 if you want to be precise) yesterday. Enjoy, or be grossed out...

I live right near the palace. Me and many other dogs. We are strays. Dogs who have wandered too far and gotten lost, or dogs who are not wanted anymore.
Sometimes the palace chef will give us scraps. Not that he knows it.
He will come, or send another servant, with a large wooden bowl. The large bowl is filled with fowl bones, (sometimes still with scraps of meat on them) leftovers from stuffed peacock, pork, and many other delicacies. The chef, or his servant, will dump all the contents of the wooden bowl into a large hole in the ground. This is where they dump all their leftovers.
This is how the other strays and I eat. If there were few leftovers from the past night, we can usually find some scrap that we missed from the night before, or from the night before that.
Lately though, we have had less scraps. Someone must be eating an awful lot, for there has been very few scraps, and, once or twice, there has been none at all!
It is awful. Many of the dogs are skinny as it is, and now that there is not enough food to go around, they have become skinnier still.
We are hungry, and there is never much to eat.
I, as leader of the pack, have more food than the others, and the dogs respect me and let me have first choice. But sometimes I give all of it to the skinniest dogs, who get barely a mouthful.
The other day, we were able to observe a most interesting sight.
The king’s daughter, (Not Jehu, the other king, who Jehu killed) known as, Jezebel, was in her room. She heard the Jehu was coming, and she suspected it wasn’t a friendly visit. She painted her eyes and bejewelled her head and looked out the window. Jehu was coming through the gate. Jezebel called out to him, ‘Have you come in peace, Zimri, you murderer of your master?’
Jehu seemed enraged at this woman and he called ‘Who is on my side? Who?’
Two or three eunuchs looked down at him.
‘Throw her down!’ commanded Jehu pointing at Jezebel.
There was a piercing scream, and then a sickening thud. Jezebel was dead.
He blood spattered on the walls, and even on the horses who trampled on her.
Jehu went in to eat and drink.
I turned to my pack of strays. ‘Are you hungry?’ I asked them.
They nodded.
‘Hungry enough to eat a woman?’ I asked.
Realization began to show in their eyes. We searched to make sure there was no one around, and then ran towards the body of Jezebel.

We devoured her quickly. Our hunger getting the best of us.
Then we heard footsteps approaching towards us and a voice saying, ‘Take care of that cursed woman, and bury her, for she was a king’s daughter.’
We quickly scampered away, afraid of being seen. We hid behind a large fruit tree and I saw two servants come up to what was left of Jezebel’s body. They muttered between themselves for a moment before turning away and walking back towards the palace doors.
The other dogs wanted to go and finish up the body, but I sensed danger, and it was only a few moments before Jehu and the two servants came back to look at the remains of Jezebel.
‘See,’ said once servant. ‘All that remains of Jezebel is her skull, her feet, and her hands.’
The other dogs began to creep away, back to our hiding place. I followed them. As I crept away I heard Jehu remarking gravely, ‘this is the word of the LORD that he spoke through his servant Elijah the Tishbite: On the plot of ground at Jezreel dogs will devour Jezebel's flesh. Jezebel's body will be like refuse on the ground in the plot at Jezreel, so that no one will be able to say, ‘This is Jezebel.’’

Monday, August 10, 2009

Saturday, 8 August 2009


After many monthly sewing lessons, I have finally finished the top of my quilt.
As I've said before, I don't really like sewing, but I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out...


Thursday, 6 August 2009


Recipe promises fun for the kids, and mess for the mother:
Just add water, to flour...Quite fun really...Mind you these pictures are from Bourke, quite a few years ago...


Monday, 3 August 2009

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

Book Review on….

‘The Witch of Blackbird Pond’
By Elizabeth George Speare

How would you like to be accused of witchcraft?
Elizabeth George Speare writes an incredible Newberry Award Winner about Kit Tyler, an orphan who goes to live with her uncle, aunt, and two cousins in Connecticut.
Connecticut is certainly not expecting Kit and her strange ways, especially when she starts hanging out with Hannah, a Quaker woman, who everyone is positive is a ‘witch.’
When strange things start happening everyone is sure it’s Hannah fault, and when Kit tries to protect her friend, she find herself accused of witchcraft!
An irresistible book filled with excitement and a thrill that will keep you on your toes for the entire book!
If you liked ‘The Witch of Blackbird Pond’ you might also like other books by Elizabeth’s George Speare:

* The Bronze Bow
* Sign of the Beaver

Saturday, 1 August 2009

While the Cats are Away...

While Mum and Dad are happily gallivanting around in Switzerland, what are we, their sweet girls doing?
  • Playing the piano. Madly. Exams on Wednesday so practice, practice, practice!!
  • Eating pizza. This is what our schedule revolves around tonight. Pizza, soft drink, and a rental movie.
  • Schoolwork. Yes, while our parents are in Venice and Rome, at the Louvre and Eiffel Tower, we are slaving in the hot/cold weather, working, working, working!
  • Bathing the dog. This happened to fall to my lot. Not always a pleasant experience. She looks like a drowned rat after coming out of the water. Then I have to dry her with a hairdryer. Unbelievable. Even I don't have my hair dried with a hairdryer!
  • Singstar. Listening to my siblings honk loudly into the microphones. They are probably the cause of the one of the microphones now being broken.

So much for Bungee Jumping, Party of the Year, ect.


Thursday, 30 July 2009

Clarice Bean

Book Review
Clarice Bean: Utterly Me
By Lauren Child

This is me, Clarice Bean. I am not an only child, but sometimes I wish I was.
Clarice Bean’s life is as up and down as a rollercoaster. There are ‘up’ times, when she can simply sit and read about Ruby Redfort, girl detective, and there are ‘down’ times, like when Betty goes missing, or when her brother, Minal Cricket won’t leave her alone.
But life is meant for living, and Clarice Bean certainly lives it.
Lauren Child outdoes herself again with ‘Clarice Bean’, a fantastic and humorous story for children ages 9 to 13.
Lauren Child’s other Clarice Bean books include:
* Clarice Bean: Spells Trouble
* Clarice Bean: That’s me
* Clarice Bean: Don’t Look Now
* What Planet are you From Clarice Bean?
* My Uncle is a Hunkle says Clarice Bean
Lauren Child is also famous for her ‘Charlie and Lola’ books as well as many others.

Monday, 27 July 2009

The Loaded Vacuum Cleaner Caper

This is a story that my sister, Kaity wrote after having a rather awful experience at work last night.

The Loaded Vacuum Cleaner Caper

It was a very interesting experience, I assure you.
I’m a Hygienic Engineer, working at a Centre for the Improvement and Entertainment of Young Minds (cleaner at a preschool). So I go to work, and I'm vacuum cleaner less; as my boss took off with this important industrial equipment, because of a strange vacuum cleaner klepto compulsion.The head of the preschool gets me the new part, for the broken vacuum that she picked up in Dubbo (I feel the need to kiss her feet, but determinedly resist). And the VC expert (that would be me), sets to work to put the new part in.

She (That's me again...) is fiddling with the head to get the old part off, when suddenly a Large, Grey Mouse leaps out of the end of the Vacuum cleaner.the VC expert handles this quite calmly (screams and hurls the hose away from her; pants wide-eyed for a minute, then checks quickly to make sure no one is around) she gingerly picks up the offending hose, unsure if there are any other Giant Suicidal Rodents waiting to Jump out and Menace her, and continues with her workShe scrapes the join. No luck. She wrenches. No luck. She retrieves a knife from the kitchen and threatens the wretched motionless plastic.It makes an impudent reply so she uses the knife, and actually manages to get the first stage done. The VC expert congratulates herself on this accomplishment, and sets to work to complete the jobit is not long before she realizes that the manoeuvre required is beyond her advanced expertise, so she pesters her boss, who just happens to be out of town. Upon her boss's advice, she scoots over the road to a couple of stranger’s house to pick up available electronic cleaning paraphernalia.She knocks. No answer. And again. No answer. Mumbling unintelligible words, she opens the door, and tiptoes in.'Hello?' silence
Walks further in

Walks in...To the kitchen, where the whole family is having dinner...this, of course, is not awkward at all. The family appears unperturbed at the harried looking girl, wandering uninvited into their kitchen, a freak that looks rather like she's been wrestling with a VC for an hour and a half...the man offers her some dinner (she declines), and the lady fetches the VC then its back off to the House of Horrors to finish the darn job. At 9:45 p.m. when she is finally picked up, her ride drives in, at the same time as a Security Van, the driver of which is no doubt astonished to see a girl come out of a darkened preschool carrying a vacuum cleaner and a backpack.

....Well actually, rather Kaity, because she wrote it....


Sunday, 26 July 2009


Early tomorrow morning my mother and father leave for Switzerland to travel with Kylie. There has been a lot of organizing and a lot of final words and a lot of final bookings. I too have been doing my own organizing.
My list consists of things such as bungee jumping, all-night movie marathon, party-of-the-year, etc.
I wonder if she'll have as much of a good time as I will...

(Nothing personal, I'm just kidding, Mum. I'll miss you.)


Thursday, 23 July 2009

Angela, Private Citizen

Book Review
‘Angela, Private Citizen’
Nancy K. Robinson

Angela Steele is excited that Income Tax Day has finally arrived, and this year, she’s determined that she will pay her taxes as well.
She sends her Income Tax form, along with her life savings, to the President of the United States absolutely sure that it will help with the national debt.
Meanwhile, her sister Tina wants to go to Camp Sunset with Melissa, but is worried about the cost. Apart from that, she is trying to get Doug to notice her, arranging her career as a city planner, and trying to help Nathaniel win the science fair.
With these happenings at the Steele’s, life cannot be boring, although it can be strange, and definitely humorous.
A fantastic story for ages eight to twelve.
Some other books in this series are, ‘Mum, you’re fired!’, ‘O Honestly, Angela!’, and ‘Angela and the Broken Heart.’ ♥

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Our Furry Friend, May Not Be So Friendly

After writing my last blog I have suddenly become more aware to Tesse's frequent actions of mysteriousness.

For instance, we take a picture. In these cases it is of a tent, a family shot, and a messed up toyota shot. Who is lurking in the background each time? Tesse:

Sometimes I begin to think she is more than human. After all, there is a likeness somewhat in these pictures.

And since when does a dog smile at the camera?

Have you seen this dog?
This is beginning to creep me out....

Saturday, 18 July 2009

What Do They Do When You're Not Looking?

The title of this blog is in capital letters because I consider it an important question. This question can apply to many things, toddlers, friends, and mostly, animals.

Tesse is our fluffy maltese + shih-tzu puppy. This dog definitely needs to be kept an eye on. There were many times when we would walk in from going out for dinner and find her lying happily on our couch.
So tell me, what were we to think when we walk in on her and find her cuddling her soft toy?

If she does this when we're home, what does she do when we're not home?


Thursday, 16 July 2009

The Exiles at Home

Book Review
The Exiles at Home
By Hilary McKay

‘There’s a secret in the Conroy household-but it’s not likely to stay a secret for long!’
Ruth Conroy and her sisters are just beginning the school term. Is it just luck that Ruth has to go to the library on her first day at school and that she finds a form that when signed means she agrees to sponsor a child in Africa for ten pounds a month?
She decides to keep it a secret but after using her birthday money for the first payment she finds that raising ten pounds a month will not be as easy as it looks.
So she lets her sister Naomi in on the deal, and after a while, her other two sisters, Phoebe and Rachel.
When her grandmother and mother both begin to get suspicious at their urgent requirements for money, Ruth gets more desperate than ever to stop the secret from getting out.

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

The Green Bean

I wrote this for English this morning, it's pretty silly, but here it is, all the same.

He sat on a plate, round and green,
He trembled hard, this little bean,
The ground, it shook as a dark shape,
Moved forward menacingly like a large ape.
The giant sat down with a thump,
His face smirked, portly and plump.

His picked up the large metal fork,
And sliced open the piece of pork.
The bean, it trembled with great fright,
As the giant took a bite,
The pork let out his last shrill scream,
And the giant’s eyes did laugh and gleam.

His beady eyes looked greedily for more,
His grabbed a cucumber and it, he tore,
In half and swallowed whole then grinned,
As he let out a puff of wind.
Then his eyes settled down, on the small bean,
Shivering with fright and looking so green.

His fork moved towards it, and pierced into its side,
The bean it screamed, it cried and cried,
The giant stared at it in disbelief,
The bean was screaming with horror and grief,
The giant stared in absolute dismay,
Then stood up and ran away.


The Devils Own

Book Review
The Devils Own
Deborah Lisson

‘She adjusted the focus on the binoculars and squinted through them in astonishment, and disbelief. There was something there- or, more exactly, someone. Peering out of the bushes of that supposedly uninhabited island was, quite unmistakably, a human face.’
‘The Devils Own’ is a fantastic read, not only does it include action and drama, but also a little romance. What makes it even better, is the fact that it is all based on a true story, the story of the Batavia, a ship wrecked on an island.
Fifteen-year-old Julie is on holidays with her family on her father’s yacht, she’s incredibly bored until one day, when something happens to change her whole holiday.
‘The Devil’s Own’ is a story of mutiny, murder, and excitement and will be enjoyed by ages 12 to adult.

Sunday, 5 July 2009


My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more than one!
And then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes-I guess he don't know
That three is more than two!
Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just cause he can't see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!
And I took the nickel to Hiram Coombs
Down at the feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!
And then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his head-
Too proud of me to speak!
- Note- I did not write this.

Monday, 29 June 2009

Late Holiday Report

I know I haven't been very good in saying what I've been doing lately, but that's because I've only just gotten back from holidays. We were staying in a unit at a place called Hastings Point (Or something like that)

The good thing about it was that it was like a 3 minute walk down to the beach, so I found myself down there often. Another thing I 'found' down there, was not so pleasant.

I have absolutely no idea what kind of fish this is, but whatever it is, it is extremely freaky and not the kind of thing you would want to find in your bed at night.

Apart from finding that on the beach, I also found this...

Holidays were awesome but the height of the holiday in my point of view was Dreamworld, a huge theme park not far from Brisbane. I've only been to one theme park before, and compared to Dreamworld (or should I say Screamworld?) it was very tame.

Our cousins came with us which made it especially fun. We all made a few friends.

And then, of course, there were the rides.
The Claw

The Cyclone
Giant Drop (This was soo creepy. In the picture they showed us after the ride my face was red and scrunched up like a bad tomato. I was just trying to keep my stomach inside me.)

This is the entrance of the Tower of Terror. It's a cart that goes right up the side of the Giant Drop. I actually chickened out and didn't do this one. My 8 year old cousin was braver than me.


Sunday, 28 June 2009


Here are some weird anagrams I found. Let me know which is your favourite...

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTYROOM

SLOT MACHINES:When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters: LIES- LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters:I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER


Book Review

Book Review
Too Many Sisters
John O’ Brien

Dion has never really got on too well with girls. He’s an only child, so he doesn’t see them much anyway, but then, his mother has to go to hospital, and while she is there Dion finds himself going to stay with his Uncle Doug, Aunt Mary, and his six cousins. All of them girls.
He hates it there from the beginning. As if being the only boy in the household isn’t bad enough, he gets on badly with his cousin Laura, and also has trouble at his new school.
John O’ Brien, the author of ‘Too Many Sisters’ writes from much experience, after growing up with five sisters of his own as well as two brothers.
A funny and enjoyable read for children aged 8-12.

Other books by John O’ Brien include:
· Shark Island
· Half life
· Leaving Las Vegas

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

The Drought

When bored, I write poetry. So, here is something I wrote when bored.

The Drought

The skies were cloudless,
The dams were dry,
All gardens were gone,
In the heat of July.

The ground was cracked,
The grass was brittle,
Our swimming pool was empty,
And the flowers were little.

It has been so for years,
In this horrible drought,
It’s always so hot,
We almost never go out.

‘When will we get rain?’
Is the question round here,
‘It’s been ever so long,
So many a year.’

Then one day in August,
It felt kind of cool,
This is very strange,
I thought as I did school.

And when I went out,
The skies looked so dark,
And after ages and ages,
I heard the teacher remark.

‘Oh goodness! Children!
Go on and have a look,
There are clouds in the sky!’
And in surprise she dropped her book.

We all looked in wonder,
I could hear the teacher pray,
What was going to happen?
Would we get rain today?

All the children looked up,
We all did watch the sky,
Then suddenly out of nowhere,
I felt something drop in my eye.

‘I felt something I felt something!’
I cried with joy you couldn’t stop,
And everybody held their breath,
Then I felt another drop.

‘I felt one! I felt one!’
Cried one little boy,
‘I haven’t felt this happy,
Since I left Illinois!’

Cheaper By the Dozen

All of you probably know the movie, Cheaper By the Dozen. Well the year before last, while studying American history, I read the book. The book is actually really different from the movie and I really enjoyed reading it. The best thing is that it's actually true, and written by one of the sons and one of the daughters. Anyway, I thought I'd type out a fragment of it (A bit out of one of the chapters) and after reading that, perhaps you'll want to read the book. (I highly suggest it, it's fantastic)

When guests weren't present, Dad worked at improving our table manners. Whenever a child within his reach took too large a mouthful of food, Dad's knuckles would descend sharply on the top of the offender's head with a thud that made Mother wince.
'Not on the head, Frank,' she protested in shocked tones. 'For mercy sakes, not on the head!'
Dad paid no attention except when the blow had been unusually hard. In such cases he rubbed his knuckles ruefully and replied:
'Maybe you're right. There must be softer places.'

If the offender was at Mother's end of the table, out of Dad's reach, he'd signal her to administer the skull punishment. Mother, who never disciplined any of us or even threatened discipline, ignored the signals. Dad then would catch the eye of a child sitting near the offender and, by signals, would deputize him to carry out the punishment.
'With my compliments,' Dad would say when the child with the full mouth turned furiously on the one who had knuckled him. 'If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times to cut your your food up into little pieces. How am I going to drive that into your skull?'
'Not on the head,' Mother repeated. 'Mercy, Maud (Which was the closest she ever came to swearing) not on the head!'
Anyone with an elbow on the table might suddenly feel his wrist seized, raised, and jerked downward so that his elbow hit the table hard enough to make the dish dance.
'Not on the elbow, Frank. That's the most sensitive part of the body. Any place but the elbow.'
Mother disapproved of all forms of corporal punishment. She felt, though, that she could achieve better results in the long run by objecting to the part of the anatomy selected for punishment, rather than the punishment itself. Even when Dad administered vitally needed punishment on the conventional area, the area where it is supposed to do the most good, Mother tried to intervene.
'Not on the end of the spine,' she'd say in a voice indicating her belief that Dad was running the risk of crippling us for life. 'For goodness sake, not on the end of the spine!'
'Where , then?' Dad shouted furiously in the middle of one spanking. 'Not on the top of the head, not on the side of the ear, not on the back of the head, not on the back of the neck, not on the elbow, not across the legs, and not on the seat of the pants. Where did you father spank you? Across the soles of the by jingoed feet like the heathen Chinese?'
'Well, not on the end of the spine,' Mother said. 'You can be sure of that.'
Skull-rapping and elbow- thumping became a practice in which everybody in the family, except Mother, participated until Dad deemed our table manners satisfactory. Even the youngest child could mete out the punishment without fear of reprisal. All during meals, we watched each other, and particularly Dad, for an opportunity. Sometimes the one who spotted a perched elbow would sneak out of his chair and walk all the way around the tables so he could catch the offender.
Dad was quite careful about his elbows, but every so often would forget. It was considered a feather in ones cap to thump and elbow. But the ultimate achievement was to thump Dad's. This was considered not just a feather in the cap, but the entire head-dress of a full Indian chief.
When Dad was caught and his elbow thumped, he made a great to-do over it. He grimaced as if in excruciating pain, sucked in air through his teeth and claimed he couldn't use his arm for the remainder of the meal.
Organisationally, he would rest an elbow purposely on the edge of the table and make believe he didn't notice some child who had slipped out of a chair and was tiptoeing toward him. Just as the child was about to reach out and grab the elbow, Dad would slide it into his lap.
'I've got eyes in the back of my head,' Dad would announce.
The would-be thumper, walking disappointed back to his chair, wondered if it wasn't just possible that Dad really did.
Both Dad and Mother tried to impress us that it was our responsibility to make guest feel at home. There were guest for meals almost as often as not, particularly business friends pf Dad's since his office was in the house. There was no formality and no special preparation except a clean napkin and an extra place at the table.
'If a guest is sitting next to you, it's your job to keep him happy, to see that things are passed to him,' Dad kept telling us.
George Isles, a Canadian author, seem to Killian to be an unhappy guest. Mr. Isles was old, and told sad but fascinating stories.
'Once upon a time there was an ancient, poor man who's joints hurt when he moved them, whose doctor wouldn't let him smoke cigars, and who had no little children to love him,' Mr. Isles said. He continued with what seemed to us a tale of overwhelming loneliness, and then concluded:
'And do you know who that old man was?'
We had an idea who it was, but we shook our head and said we didn't. Mr. Isles looked sadder than ever. He slowly raised his forearm and tapped his chest with his forefinger.
'Me,' he said.
Lillian, who was six, was sitting next to Mr. Isles. It was her responsibility to see that he was happy, and she felt somehow she had failed on the job. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his dry, old man's cheek.
'You do, too, have little children who love you,' she said, on the brink of tears. 'You do too!'
Whenever Mr. Isles came to call after that, he always brought one box of candy for Mother and us, and a separate box Lillian. Ernestine used to remark, in a tone tonged with envy, that Lill was probably New Jersey's youngest gold digger, and that few adult gold diggers ever had received more, in return for less.
Dad was an easy-going host, informal and gracious, and we tried to pattern ourselves after him.
'Any more vegetables, Boss?' he'd ask Mother. 'No? Well, how about mashed potatoes? Lots of them. And plenty of lamb. Fine. Well, Sir, I can't offer you any vegetables, but how about.......?'
'Oh, come on, have some more beef,' Frank urged a visiting German engineer. 'After all, you've only had three helpings.'
'There's no need to gobble your grapefruit like a pig,' Fred told a woman professor from Columbia University, who had arrived late and was tryng to catch up with the rest of us. 'If we finish ahead of you, we'll wait until you;re through.'
'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't pass your dessert until you finish your lima beans,' Dan told a guest on another occasion.
'Daddy won't allow it, and you're my responsibility. Daddy says a Belgian family could live a week on what's thrown away in this house every day.'
'Daddy, do you think what Mr. Fremonville is saying is of general interest?' Lill interrupted a long discourse to ask.
Dad and Mother, and most of the guests, laughed away remarks like these without to much embarrassment. Dad would apologize and explain the family rule involved, and the reason for it. After the guests had gone, Mother would get us together and tell us that while family rules were important, it was even more important to see that guests weren't made uncomfortable.
Sometimes after a meal, Dad's stomach would rumble and when there weren't any guests we'd tease him about it. The next time it rumbled, he'd looked shocked and single out one of us.
'Billy,' he said. 'Please! I'm not in the mood for an organ recital.'
That was your stomach, not mine, Daddy. You can't fool me.'
You children have the noisiest stomach I've ever heard. Don't you think so, Lillie?'
Mother looked disapprovingly over her mending.
'I think,' she said. 'There are Eskimos in the house.' (Mother called anything bad or evil-minded Eskimos)
One night, Mr. Russel Allen, a young engineer, was a guest for supper. Jack, in a high chair across the table from him, accidentally swallowed some air and let out a belch that resounded through the dining room and, as we found out later, was heard even in the kitchen by Mrs. Cunningham. I was such a thorough burp, an had emerged from such a small subject, that all conversation was momentarily suspended in amazement. Jack, more surprised that anybody, looked shocked. He reached out his arm and pointed a chubby and accusing forefinger at the guest.
'Mr. Allen,' he said in offended dignity. 'Please! I'm not in the mood for an organ recital.'