Empty Cave

EMPTY CAVE

by Gordon Dioxide

Once upon a time there was a cave. It was completely empty except for all the air. The air was everywhere as you would expect.
But you wouldn’t expect to find a double-decker bus in a cave. And you’d be right, because there were no double-decker buses in this cave.
There were however two potato peelers in the cave. One potato peeler was lying on the ground, and the other potato peeler was lying on the ground.
Five minutes later a boy called Boy walked into the cave. Guess what he was looking for?
Thats right, he was looking for his pet skunk called Stinky. Not much in here he thought, so he went away and never came back.
But then he changed his mind and did come back.
He saw one of the potato peelers and picked it up. He took a couple of potatoes from his pocket and started to peel them. Boy carried everything around in his pockets, just in case.
When he finished peeling the potatoes, he took a plate out of his pocket, sat down, squirted some ketchup on, and started to eat them. He wasn’t able to cook them because he’d left the cooker at home in the kitchen.
For pudding he fancied a chocolate ice-cream gateaux, so he looked around the cave to see if he could find any.
No luck, all he could find was another potato peeler. Just what he didn’t need.
Then a very mysterious thing happened. I can’t tell you what it was, because its a secret.
Boy left the cave and went home.
When he got home he found that his mum had made him raw potatoes and ketchup for tea. That was a stroke of bad luck. His mum wasn’t very bright, which is why she had called her son Boy. But for pudding he had chocolate ice-cream gateaux, which was a stroke of good luck.
He told his mum about the mysterious thing that happened in the cave. I can’t repeat what he said because its a secret.
On Tuesday he went back to see if the cave was still there. And of course it was still there because caves can’t move.
He sat down in the cave entrance and started to sing a song about a one-legged giraffe who couldn’t stand up properly. Just when he got to the bit where the giraffe toppled over into a large vat of custard, the mysterious thing happened two more times.
Can you keep a secret? You promise not to tell anyone?
Well, what happened is this.
His pet skunk Stinky appeared like a ghostly vision. He was wearing a long robe and had a crown on his head. Amazingly, he could actually talk.
He was talking in a deep spooky voice and this is what he was saying,
“Treasure! Treasure! Follow me to find the treasure!”
So this time, Boy decided to follow him.
They went through a small tunnel at the back of the cave and eventually came out into another cave. This cave was larger than the first, and guess what it was filled with?
No, not treasure. Potato peelers. Hundreds and hundreds of potato peelers. It was a potato peeler factory, and they were being made by a team of about 20 skunks.
So this is where potato peelers are made, thought Boy. I’ve always wondered where the shops get them from.
But Stinky carried on to the back of the cave, and Boy followed him into another tunnel. This time they came out into an even bigger cave.
There was a sign at the entrance that said “Even Bigger Cave”.
But there was nothing in this cave except for a couple of toe nail clippings.
So they went through another tunnel and came to a sign that said “The Most Biggest Cave of All”.
Boy couldn’t believe his eyes when he looked around. The cave was brimming with treasure. It was truly bulging with treasure. Crammed full with treasure. Jam-packed. Choc-a-block. More treasure than the rest of the world put together.
This will make me rich beyond my wildest of dreams thought Boy.
Stinky said he could have all the treasure. The skunks didn’t want it because they were only interested in potato peelers.
So Boy stuffed all the treasure into his pockets. He had very deep pockets, but there wasn’t enough room for a diamond-covered crown, so he wore it on his head.
On the way home he saw a huge giraffe leaning against a tree. The giraffe was sad, partly because he’d lost three of his legs, and partly because his new shirt was covered in custard.
“Please help me your Highness” said the giraffe. He thought that Boy was the king because of the crown on his head.
Boy felt sorry for the giraffe, and because he was the kindest boy in the world he gave him all the treasure.
The giraffe was delighted. Now he could afford to buy three wooden legs and a new shirt.
Boy took giraffe home and built him a tall shed in the garden. Mum thought up a good name for their new pet - Giraffe!
And they all lived happily ever after.
But remember, if you ever find two potato peelers in a cave and then go through the tunnel to the next cave, and then go through to the Even Bigger Cave and then go through to the Most Biggest Cave of All, you won’t find any treasure there because Giraffe has got it all.