7 Reasons Not to Mess With Children

7 reasons not to mess with children...


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked,'What if Jonah went to hell?’ The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.



A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what thedrawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'



A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'



One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'



Jordan

Evil Intentions

I haven't had a lot to say lately so I've been watching carefully for a good blog idea. Instead, I decided to use 4 little ones.
Here are 4 things you weren't expecting to happen.

1. After shooting the basketball at the net for a while I decided to sit down for a quick rest. I threw the ball at the wall expecting to see it bounce off and roll away. Instead it bounced right back at me and hit me clean on the nose. I suspect that basketball of evil intentions.
2. I woke up suddenly in bed last night at 12:00 to see something falling down onto my face. It felt cold and clammy and I had to wriggle around too get it off. It turned out to be my Prince Caspian poster that had fallen from my wall. I suspect that Prince Caspian poster of evil intentions.
3. I was giving the football a kick out on the road. I believe that football was deliberately vexing me in it's own little irritable way. I would bounce it and it would dart off to the right. I would run after it, but you know these footballs with their weird shapes...just as I was about to reach it, it would dart off to the left and it continued for ages. It was mocking me! I suspect that football of evil intentions.
4. I was once again sent this awful, horrid forward 'Monk's Secret.' I hope it all makes you annoyed too... A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travele d the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284, 232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald...........silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, this is the key to the last door. The man is relieved no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and> behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. .. . .

....But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Ahhhh! Does this annoy no one else? I suspect the person who sent this forward to me of evil intentions...

Jordan